How I Just Spent The Last Hour

I just spent the last hour cleaning out my yahoo inbox. It might have been more than an hour. I have been pestered, you see, by this annoying phantom email that shows up as unread whenever I log on to my account. This has happened before -- some spam email turns up that is lost in the bowels of my account. Always, before I have been able to use the 'search' option, search unread messages, and delete the offending email. Not in this case. My account, you see, has apparently gotten too large to search. This email has been plaguing me for months, maybe more. I have made half-hearted attempts to search for it in the past, always to no avail. Tonight I finally decided I had to take drastic measures and purge my account to get rid of it. Which I unfortunately had to do one page at a time because I am too dumb to figure out how to delete my entire inbox, if yahoo allows such a thing.

8,000+ emails.

Some of which dated back to 2001.

I stopped deleting emails as a matter of course roundabout 2004.

It was a loooooong endeavor. Purchase confirmations. Travel itineraries. Pregnancy bulletins. God damn I have bought a lot of things online over the past few years. A bazillion emails from Mandy, mom, Mike. (Why does Mike email me so much? He lives with me.)

And do you know where I finally found the offending email?

It was the very last f*cking one.

Yes, go ahead, laugh. I dare you.